Brittany, hard as it may be, we sometimes need to cut people out of our lives. Specifically people who are destructive versus supportive of us. Oftentimes, this will include family members. In your case, they may see you as possessing some unique talents, skills , personal characteristics, etc. they are jealous of so, they demean you. In what you wrote, you demonstrated good insight and an accurate read of what has been going on. You are smart!
They Don’t Love Me, They Only Know Me, When They Need Me
Families are sometimes known to gang up on members who are unique, different from them as they find such individuals to be threatening. I suspect you have a talent(s) they are jealous of and do not wish you to become successful or happy in your life.
OK people calm down.Or is that me gas lighting?One big consideration that is missed in simply looking at words and phrases is motive and intent.Too often people latch onto a form of armchair psychology and self analysis. Appropriating words and phrases that are sometimes just simple statements of fact to be forms of abuse, when they are not.Abuse is a systemic behaviour that has one purpose, to exert power in order to control. This can be evidenced in terms, phrases or acts that are imposed across multiple areas and over time. Individual statements do not make a gas lighter, collective statement and behaviours over time do. These reveal the true character and nature of an individual, and ultimately what their motive and intent is.Another term used here is victim mentality. One consideration when defining someone according to power and control techniques and methods is to be fully aware that it does place you into a victim mentality. That is what it is designed to do, to protect the self from further abuse, firstly by identifying forms of abuse, then by protecting the victim from further abuse by refusing to accept any form of explanation.Instead defining anything offered that is only measured through a lens of self protection as further abuse.The method is self validating, self protecting, and as such can not allow challenge because to to so might cause further damage or abuse.It is not subjective if self applied, and should always be considered and reviewed by a trained third party professional, who talks to both sides, not just one side.It is all too easy to cause significant and lasting damage to relationships by applying elements of psychology to suit a disposition or desired outcome, this is why context and defining character and nature over time, as well as external review and challenge of these things is imperative.Gas lighting is not just attached to words, it is found in the intent.If you then assume someone is guilty of intent based solely on words and allow them no right to challenge you conclusions and definition of them then this is a sure sign that you are the issue.Because you are denying them their basic legal right to a presumption of innocence, you by application of a method to define an abuse without allowing context deny them the right to a voice and to defend themself.So be very careful, what may sometimes appear as gas lighting may actually be a medical condition, emotional difficulty, or even a psychological issue in the other person, and not an intent to cause deliberate harm. Perceiving them only through a lens of suspicion and doubt attached to self protection or only your rights does not allow for broader considerations to be made.Which is a limiting factor of simply trying to define anyone there by words and phrases.
Thanks for the informative article!It started me wondering though, if someone who has been gaslit for years can they start to develop/demonstrating the behaviors to gaslight others without realizing it?
If somebody is chronically gaslighting you in these ways, they are most likely somewhere on the narcissistic spectrum . As such, they are not likely going to change or ever take responsibility for their behavior.
Even when we do realise how great/valuable/lovable a person is and what a huge mistake we may have made, in having some level of connection to ourselves, we may also realise that not only are we not capable of being and doing what that person wants, but that they may also be too good for us.
Every single person on here knows their own personal truth in regards to whether their ex really cared or not. If we say (like I said when I first broke up with the AC three years ago) he never loved me he never cared about me and he hates me then we ARE invalidating every single positive thing that ever happened within the relationship. So Nat is right.
The same goes for your friend. What a horrendous situation but here is the kicker: why, when you broke up with someone three years ago, you chased them for a month and then they rejected you again, would you then get in touch with them and ask them to do you a favour?
This post came at such an opportune point because this guy that has been around a lot lately I can still see why I ended our friendship way back when and I wonder what the hold is my other friends have as to why they hang with him so much. I did wonder to if this guy ever missed me way back when, now I could care less.
There are four type of PTSD symptoms: reliving the event (nightmares, flashbacks, or triggers), avoiding situations that remind you of the event, negative changes in beliefs and feelings, and feeling keyed up (hyperarousal). Symptoms may not be exactly the same for everyone. PTSD symptoms usually start soon after the traumatic event, but they may not appear until months or years later. They also may come and go over many years. If the symptoms last longer than four weeks, cause you great distress, or interfere with your work or home life, you might have PTSD.
"Getting better" means different things for different people. There are many different treatment options for PTSD. For many people, these treatments can get rid of symptoms altogether. Others find they have fewer symptoms or feel that their symptoms are less intense. Your symptoms don't have to interfere with your everyday activities, work, and relationships.
I got "diagnosed" with PTSD for certain symptoms I was having though I think I was just lacking medication. I don't have flashbacks or triggers or nightmares. Nothing really seems related to my trauma. Everything I tell the therapist its replied to as "that's the trauma " I had issues before trauma happened. I feel I'm not being listened to and they're just forcing the PTSD label on me.
I was simply browsing in another desperate effort to hopefully find some sort of information on the way my life has been turned so dramatically upsidedown and how or why I feel the way I do and act/react to things. Almost as if there are so many issues and symptoms I experience now, that I have no clue how to even pinpointor even narrow down any one "diagnosis" leaving me not knowing where to turn for any type of help or understanding. It seems that I fit the prognosis for so many different yet in some instances related mental and emotional disturbances, that I don't know how to tell anyone the truths about my despair out of fear ofrash judgment and scepticism as I've been told my entire life that "only I can control the way I feel or how I allow things to affect me and react". So I now feel as though the horrible truth of the matter is that everyone I ever trusted or could, or thought i could, turn to for emotional safety and stability, were in fact not concerned about my personal well-being at all. I've been shunned by my entire family and every "friend" I thought I ever had. Now I'm quite literally completely alone and only leaving my apartment maybe 2 or 3 times a month in an shakey, sweaty, anxiety ridden state only when absolutely necessary to take care of an errand and even then, I may completely shrug the responsibility altogether and go without necessities or blow off obligation. Other than that, I no longer even answer the phone and regularly do not even eat for days at a time out of fear of having to go to the store for groceries. I'm at a total loss. I do not know how to trust or believe anyone or even myself any longer. I can honestly say, if I died, it would go completely unnoticed until I was sought out for discontinuing bill payments.. Now I have simply shut down and don't attempt reaching out to people all. An entire week may pass before I even receive a text or phone call from anyone and it's never more than a quick, "haven't heard from you, are you still alive". If I respond or not, that's the end of the 'conversation'. Not even a follow-up if there's no reply from me to really see if I'm ok or not. I don't even believe that any person is ever genuinely concerned about others unless you benefit their needs or there's some sort of martyr type pleasure they get out or telling others how they're also concerned, but once you become seen as just a problem or an annoyance, you are left to suffer in complete solidarity. I don't know what to do about the way I feel or the thoughts, emotions and fears i experience and how drastically they have intensified in recent years. I feel that there is absolutely no one that would ever understand or believe me because no one has ever paid enough actual attention to see the negative changes in my behavior because no one ever took the time to actually notice my actions or listen to the literal begging for some sort of help , much less attempt seeking out information or ways to help me cope or heal from this personal hell. My life is compiled of absolute numbness, anger and agitation, sorrow, overwhelming fear, obsession and negativity. I'm closed off from the world, experience many many dramatically varying and/or conflicting emotional fluctuations and thought patterns.. I don't even know who I am anymore, if I ever have.
Until now I don't know how to forgive that person who ruined my life. Like, where's your conscience? I was only a kid and yet was condemned to ruin. Nobody believed me when I was telling the truth and they never listened. I was pretty hopeless and I still feel terribly sensitive and burst into tears whenever I remember what kind of life I've lived as a kid. I hate myself for reliving it all over again but I can't control it. 2ff7e9595c
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